Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
