I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
