So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
