Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
