oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
