I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
