Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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