oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
