And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
