Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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