The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
tell me about the eggs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
