Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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