I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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