I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
