well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
