should my penis look like a turkey
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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