just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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