can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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