you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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