im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
