Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
