we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
