May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
