Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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