Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
