I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
