Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
