remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
