I didn't shave. On purpose
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
