I feel great
I just peed on a car
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
