i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
