I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
