I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Less talking, more tequila
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
