the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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