Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
