you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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