Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i think my cat just said my name.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
