I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
