We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
