remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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