Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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