I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Are my feet made of real feet?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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