Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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