I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
