Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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