Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I didn't notice because vodka
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
