On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
