Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
