i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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