Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
